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The overwhelming consensus on my last post is to just go for it... follow my dreams... do what makes me happy. And while I'd absolutely love to, there are two little things standing in my way: (1) I have no idea what I want to do and if I'd actually be happy following any of these alternate paths, and (2) law school debt.
See, I made something of a mistake when I chose my law school. Instead of going to one of the three that offered me full freakin' tuition, or even one that offered my really good financial aid packages, I chose the one where I thought I'd be the most happy. Which sort of makes sense... that whole go for it, follow my dreams, do what makes me happy thing. And at the time, I was going through a really bad period in my life, so I really wanted to pick some place where I thought I'd love living. Which meant, not Boston (sorry Bex), not NYC (sorry college roommates), and not Texas. But still, there was another school in D.C. I could have gone to, one of the ones that offered me full freakin' tuition, but I had my heart set on the one I went to. And aside from all the stress that came with the fact that it was one three-year-long job search, and I still had nothing lined up at graduation, I really enjoyed the classes I took and professors I had, my clinics and moot court.
But, I didn't have the foresight to realize that after I spent those three years happy in the city I chose and education I received, I'd be stuck paying off this debt for the next 25 years. You always hear how lawyers make so much money, tuition shouldn't come into to much play in your decision because by living on a responsible budget just out of law school, you can pay it off quickly. Not that many of my lawyer friends are really doing that, but I am such a ridiculous budgeter (although, partly out of necessity), and I absolutely HATE having debt hanging over my head, I think I could have done it... the whole living as a student thing for your first few years out. I mean, I know I could do it, as I pretty much am doing it now. In theory, I was going to have that all paid off in 5 years, tops.
We're just starting year 4 now. I'm still nearly six-figures in debt. I'm going to be paying this off until I'm 50, and this scares the shit out of me.
So yeah, this is where "going for it, following my dreams, doing what makes me happy" got me last time. Granted, it was entirely my own fault because I jumped to the "what makes me happy right now and for the immediate future" choice, rather than sitting down and considering how awesome it would be to finish law school completely debt free and be free to do whatever I chose... in the legal field or not... without any guilt hanging over me. But now, I can't imagine changing careers completely without having even paid for the education that got me here. And I'm not even sure that I want to change careers. I may be just as happy in a different setting, where rent isn't half my monthly salary, where I don't spend hours bored at the office b/c the work just isn't there for me to do, where I am doing the type of work that I find enjoyable and challenging (and by challenging, I don't mean just a pain in the ass, b/c I have that work already).
Anyway, the point of it all is, I'm stuck here for a while and I just have to tell myself that keeping my options open and considering other avenues is enough for now, even if I can't take any action. The plan is to move back up north in a year or two, and with that move there will be at least a job change, if not yet a career change. And maybe that will be enough.
I'm not unhappy right now. I don't want to come across as miserable. It's just that I'm... well, I'm bored. Outside of my work life, everything is really great. (Well, aside from the high rent, the loan payments, and the fact that I can't even afford to buy a pair of shorts right now... ugh.) So really, in the grand scheme of things, I've got it pretty damn good and I shouldn't complain.
Dinner for sure on Tuesday. Oh, you're gonna try to get me to come up with a place too, aren't you? :-) Crap, that requires making decisions.
I had very few loans, and all federal, for college b/c I had a lot of grants and scholarships, so that's already paid off. Thankfully. I know plenty of people who have both undergrad AND graduate school loans.
I've actually been researching much more reasonable career changes. I think as much as I would enjoy the art of pastry making, I probably would prefer to do it as a hobby than an actual career. I just need to do it more often, since I am fairly hobby-less.
Posted by: Stephanie | June 20, 2008 10:33 AM
Um, I hear ya. Minus the 6 figure debt but that's only because I did free undergrad and went to law school in the boonies.
Here's what I think-you're still really really young. Yes, you're bored. But you do have a good job, good degrees and a stable career. If you want to, you CAN make that change, but at the same time, you have the luxury to be able to take your time about doing it.
As far as the debt goes-you were a math major undergrad, right? You could easily switch to investment banking to pay off the debt. I think you'd fucking HATE IT (you're way too nice) but you'd get rid of the debt in two years flat.
Finally, dinner next Tuesday? I'll email you from my work account tomorrow.
Posted by: monkey | June 20, 2008 1:52 AM